Tuesday, July 21, 2009
i find it so ugly, so putrid. this vast collective feeling of negativity. everyone at the salt mine hate their work. hate people. hate the system. hate!! so much of hate my god! motivation is rock bottom. they all, i included, wait for the whistle to blow so they could move on. keep acting and keep eroding. somewhere in the personal account of a whore i had read how every act of paid carnal degraded the protagonist more, made her slump more, got her to a state of denial. i guess every time my brethren , i included, move for greener pastures, somehow unwittingly undergo the same pain, except instead of a man sullying a woman it is fate sullying us! sometimes despair seems to be too small a word to describe....... at other times it seems foolish to despair...anti-despair called hope crops up. ...and i want to believe in Siddartha more when in despair than when i conceive hope. if Siddhartha was here i would have asked ...why this despair? he would have smiled and said its a by product. we call it pain, god calls in cleansing, physics may call it balancing. whatever it is, it snaps ur thread of imagined flight and brings u back to the ground of reality....despair
Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Some days are good days. Such days do not bring in their tiding some good news or some great gifts. They are plain good. Like hot chicken soup on a rainy, cold day. The weather just may play a part as well. It is salubrious today. But really at the core of such days lie peace. Bonhomie. A coming in terms with irregularities. Irregularities one faces from relationships or from the society or from one of the many fabrics of interaction that clothe our day to day living. Such days make one almost understand what Buddha really tries to tell. Understand what an old widow may want to teach. Understand the smile of a child woken from the sweetest sleep. Come unto in peace. Where forgiving is not an agenda because there is no dark anger. Such days nor want in their wake any apologies. You want to shrug off that huge baggage of guilt you carry along, that pretty dispensable abhorrent dead weight. You may have wished someone good morning and that person may have been sleep washed but talks to you from the soul and you feel good. Or it may be your spouse leaving early at day break for someplace in a jet plane and you wake up on wet morning to brew some tea for him, fighting sleep and the urge to cuddle back again. And sleepily kiss your spouse good bye. Or a good friend thrilled at getting some snacks and some basic food you cooked for her because she is a little under the weather. Irrespective. In small measures of give and take, some days are good days. Today is such a day!