Thursday, August 27, 2009
the prodigal child
i have no reason to feel good about myself. what, pray, is my contribution to the society. yet another directionless human being, thriving on the feeling of entitlement. the next raise, the next el dorado of a job, the next palm full of star dust by my pillow, all that gliteratti...yes thats what life has become.. i read about this young woman, works in my big jazzy salt mine, who inspite of being an abandoned destitute, managed to educate herself, who though hails from an orphange herself, yet has a big heart of gold, sharing and supporting the younger girls who are in need themselves in the same orphange which she grew up in. i was in that orphange for a few hours in view to a mandate and sudden "do- good act" of my great heralded portal of work. when will i stop looking for wind beneath my wings but start being the wind for someone else... petty world, this world of mine, everyday i feel some more of good, whatever little, eroding and at a very fast pace. i am at the brink of losing all humanity, how can you blame me ...i only get to see some more sycophancy, some more obsequousness, some more malignancy. the same Uraih Heeps get it all, get it remorselessly, get it like a long promised entitlement. philosophy they say is for those who have time to think because winners dont...they are doers... mechanical doers, the next kill the next jugular...thats the thirst and these people i love despising need to slake it... its like an infection...it kills you if you go against it or adopts you to be the next progigal child...... is my dislike for these Uriahs a lingering stench of my failure or is it my cue to look for a dimension which they can never afford to offer me or further still is it a plain platform of feeling good about myself........
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2 comments:
whoa woman! the negativity!
i don't agree with you here Q... i read this post, pretty much bubbled over with things to say but held myself in check to check out the rest of the blog and try and spot a leitmotif, which thankfully isn't there...i worried for a bit that the daily grind was grinding you down. here's a counter-thought: so long as you can look right into the eyes of the person in the mirror, as long as what stares back at you isn't a stranger, there is plenty to feel good about. we don't need to be unselfish-- wouldn't society just love selfless--and the keeper of all forms of a conscience to boot in order to make it to the worthy human tag. who's doing the judging anyway and who set the benchmarks? Only i have the right to grade me and so long as i'm not damaging an undeserving soul, not leaving crap for others to clean up behind me, i'm doing better than good. I don't seek any wind beneath my wings (a fellow flier will be just fine ;D) but neither do i aspire to that role. an occcasional helping hand to the deserving is cool but it's appalling how easily people cross over to being needy and dependent. i cringe at that...i never want to be another person's crutch, life support system whatever. and when you are surrounded by such colleagues, even if the ratio is 1:500, you know you personally aren't on the highway to hell. so what if you are waving at a zillion others who are racing past you on that track? you are still doing good.
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